


this isn't the end of your world, but it is for mine

by sanditide



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen, Haruno Sakura-centric, Honestly OOC, Introspection, box of pocky, but with elements of not canon compliant, no beta we just die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:01:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27778057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanditide/pseuds/sanditide
Summary: Contrary to what everyone seemed to believe, Sakura wasn’t completely without self-awareness of her abilities, or, the lack thereof.She could see it in the way Iruka sensei would smile at her whenever she scored high on theory part of the exams, telling her that she has a smart mind that could be very helpful when forming tactics, the maybe not enough for the execution goes unspoken. She could feel it in the bruises she used to get after sparring with girls in her class, the alcohol stung when it made contact with her bleeding wound, and Sakura tried hard to hold in the tears – it never worked. She could taste it in the way her mother would scold her for getting hurt and ruin her smooth skin, the only salvaging quality she has other than her exotic hair color and green eyes, and the bitterness never left no matter how much she brushed her teeth.
Relationships: Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Haruno Sakura, Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 2
Kudos: 63





	this isn't the end of your world, but it is for mine

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly to whoever clicked into this, thank you for spending five minutes reading my crap writing lol I didn't really like this one I wrote but also I felt like it's a waste if I just delete the whole thing. So... here it is. There are somethings that I need to say first because there are some none canon things so 1) Sakura DOES NOT have an infatuation in this fic, at least, not in a romatic way 2) Ino and Sakura stayed friends 3) Sakura isn't that mean to Naruto. This fic's dialogues might be choppy but I'll explain that in end notes. As always, there's probably loads of grammatical errors and constructive criticisms are welcomed but like, I appreciate nice comments too :) 
> 
> I own nothing.

Contrary to what everyone seemed to believe, Sakura wasn’t completely without self-awareness of her abilities, or, the lack thereof.

She could see it in the way Iruka sensei would smile at her whenever she scored high on theory part of the exams, telling her that she has a smart mind that could be very helpful when forming tactics, the _maybe not enough for the execution_ goes unspoken. She could feel it in the bruises she used to get after sparring with girls in her class, the alcohol stung when it made contact with her bleeding wound, and Sakura tried hard to hold in the tears – it never worked. She could taste it in the way her mother would scold her for getting hurt and ruin her smooth skin, the only salvaging quality she has other than her exotic hair color and green eyes, and the bitterness never left no matter how much she brushed her teeth.

Sakura used to think that it was okay, that being weak isn’t that big of a deal – she’ll just have to try harder and become better so that she’s not weak anymore with her team when she gets one. They can improve together and her teammates would tell her that it’s fine, that being weak isn’t the end of the world.

She had _hoped_ that the person would be Uchiha Sasuke.

The first time Sakura saw him was when they were both five, and she was out running an errand for her mother. Sakura was dressed in civilian clothes—a white sundress with floral patterns courtesy to her parents, and she was sent to the market to get some apples. Since her parents were always traveling, Sakura was relatively used to shopping for food by herself. She greeted many of the uncles and aunts there selling fish and meat, and even got a free stick of mitarashi dango from Nakagawa oba-san. Sakura got to the fruit shop ran by Yamaguchi oji-san and the man immediately came to greet her.

“Hello my fair lady! What can I get for the princess today?” Yamaguchi oji-san always like to call Sakura the princess because how she always seemed to be carried by her father on his arm whenever the two came to the market, and the Harunos have been buying fruits from Yamaguchi’s shop when Sakura was barely three.

“Yamaguchi oji-san, hello,” Sakura gave a smile, and looked at the fruits on display, “Can I have six apples, please? I think mom might be making apple pies today!”

“Of course, give me a moment.” Yamaguchi oji-san took a brown paper bag and placed six red apples that Sakura knew must’ve been super sweet judging by the color, and walked over to put the paper bag in Sakura’s yellow backpack. In return, Sakura handed the man 1200 ryo for the apples. “Have another one on your way back, princess. Come back again and get home safely!” Yamaguchi oji-san gave her an apple and waved when Sakura thanked him.

Sakura walked the path back home, but for some reason she did not know, she chose to take the long way home, walking passed the Ninja Academy. There was a swing there that Sakura wanted to go on for a long time, but her parents didn’t want her near the Academy even if it was with Ino-chan. Sakura approached the swing and realized that there was already someone sitting. With disappointment, Sakura walked right passed a boy who wore navy blue high collar shirt and white shorts. She would’ve walked away without looking back if it weren’t for the sniffles that caught her attention, and Sakura looked to see the boy angrily wiped at his eyes, tears evidently streaking down his face.

“Are you okay?” Normally, Sakura was too shy to even think about approaching a stranger, even if it was another fellow child of Konoha, but after her friendship with Ino-chan, Sakura felt as if she could do this – that she could be brave and help this kid too.

“I—I’m waiting for my older brother but I didn’t tell my mom and she’s going to be so angry when I get home.” The boy started hiccuping again, and Sakura was at a lost. She’s never had a sibling before nor did she ever go somewhere without telling her parents, but the kid was crying again and Sakura didn’t want that.

“Here! If you tell your mother that you wanted to give her a surprise and bring her the best apple she has ever had, then maybe she won’t be as angry?” Sakura held the apple Yamaguchi oji-san gave, and watched as the boy hesitantly took it, cradling the fruit close to his chest. “If anything, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get an apple, and if she really gets angry at you, at least you’ll have your big brother to hug you, right?”

“Aniki gives the best hugs, yeah…thank you. My name is Uchiha Sasuke.” Sasuke wiped his tears, gave Sakura a gentle smile, and Sakura beamed brightly back at him.

“My name is Haruno Sakura, maybe I’ll see you around?” She was already taking the long way home and her parents were no doubt wondering where Sakura had been. “I really gotta go or my parents would get angry at me too!”

“yeah, okay! Bye, Haruno-san.” Sasuke gave a small wave, no longer sniffling or crying.

“Sakura is fine!” Sakura started running away from the swing, and an equally loud “then call me Sasuke too!” echoed loudly behind her and Sakura turned to yelled a “bye, Sasuke!” before disappearing into the small alley that’ll be quicker to get home. The encounter left a smile on Sakura’s face and didn’t disappear even after three days.

Sakura never saw Sasuke in the parks nor met him again on the swing outside of the Ninja Academy, but she never forgot the small boy with a brilliant smile and onyx eyes.

When Sakura finally enrolled in the Ninja Academy against her parents’ wishes, she was surprised to find Sasuke also enrolled in the same school year. The two weren’t in the same class because Sasuke belonged to the prestigious Uchiha clan while Sakura was just a civilian kid with no special background, her classroom filled with children who were also from the civilian sector. Sakura would’ve assumed the boy would recognize her from her large forehead and pink hair, but Sasuke made no indication that they’ve ever met. Even when Sakura went up for an introduction, the boy quickly brushed her off, favoring his shuriken practice or kunai tricks.

It hurt.

For Sakura, Ino-chan was her first friend but Sasuke felt different. Sasuke was the first person Sakura had ever helped, first stranger to ever smiled because of something nice Sakura did for them, but the fact remained: the boy didn’t remember her.

Maybe that was the first time that Sakura had ever felt the distinct emptiness that being forgotten brought. It shouldn’t have mattered that much to her because Sasuke was just a stranger and so what if he didn’t remember her? She didn't care about a boy she met once. There were so many other kids who she could be friends with anyways. At least, that what Sakura kept telling herself whenever she saw Sasuke leaving the Ninja Academy with his mother’s hand in his, a soft smile on his face whenever his mother looked at him.

She went home alone.

When Fifth and Sixth year came along and there weren’t enough kids so everyone was combined in one class, Sakura was happy that she and Ino-chan were finally in the same class. That is until one day, Sasuke didn’t come to school and news that the whole Uchiha clan were murdered by Sasuke’s favorite Aniki, leaving Sasuke alone grieving, that Sakura would truly understand the feeling of uselessness.

Sasuke came back to class after a while, and Sakura could see the anger, hatred burning in the young Uchiha, his expression always scowling at everyone. Sakura stayed after class one day to help Iruka sensei, and Sasuke’s lone figure outside of the window leaving the Academy made Sakura wondered if she could’ve done something. Could’ve comfort him or gave him warmth if she had tried to become friends with the onyx eyed boy without giving up.

The fact that she didn’t do anything back then and therefore she doesn’t _deserve_ to do anything now burned itself in Sakura’s brain, repeating like a mantra whenever she closed her eyes at night.

.

Merging into one big class meant that there are some new faces that Sakura have never seen, and one of them is the infamous Uzumaki Naruto. The boy is always obnoxiously loud, disgusting with his table manners, and always causing trouble in classes. This is not mentioning the orange jumper he adores and wore every day.

Sakura didn’t have much good impressions about him, hearing all the neighbors and her parents telling her not to approach the child unless absolutely necessary, and even then, always have an adult present in that situation. In class, Naruto is always pulling pranks and distracting the class, and Sakura didn’t like the boy for the fact that she actually likes classes and wants to listen without being disrupted every ten minutes by Naruto’s meaningless chatters.

When the boy asks her out, Sakura thought he was joking. As in, Sakura did not even consider the fact that the blue-eyed boy could be serious in his offer, and so Sakura told the blond boy absolutely no, and whacked him on his head. For some weird reason, the boy continued pestering her and asking her out, not flinching even if she hit him and tell him that he was being dumb to think that she would even consider liking him.

The routine continued daily, and Naruto’s “Sakura-chan” becomes something that Sakura would come to associate with the boy’s boisterous personality and sometimes even indulged in the boy’s stupid antics on impressing her.

“Sakura-chan! Let’s go on a date today, I swear you won’t regret it dattebayo!” Naruto shouts immediately after Iruka sensei left the classroom, and everyone is more or less used to Naruto’s daily conquest. He runs up to Sakura’s seats and jumps up and down, excited at the prospect of hanging out with his crush.

“No! I have to help my parents to get groceries today.” Sakura packs her things back into her bag and gave Naruto a bonk on his forehead. She swings her bag over her shoulder and left without so much as a goodbye to the blond boy. “Maybe next time then!” followed as Sakura walked out of the classroom, heading towards her home. She wanted to change out of her qipao because it was a hot day and wearing dresses always makes Sakura feel cute. She quickly got home and changed out of her shinobi wear, donning white sandals and this time, a yellow sundress with sunflower patterns. Her parents were probably still in the shop so it’s up to Sakura to make today’s dinner.

She leaves the house so that she could get to the market before the sun sets. Sakura wants to make curry today and their family recipe calls for at least four types of vegetable, so she wants to get some of the ingredients needed.

“Get away, you filthy monster!” A man’s shout captures Sakura’s attention and her head turned to see a kid wearing bright orange jacket being thrown on the ground, an orange jacket that she knew only Naruto would wear. “How dare you appear here again after I told you to scram!”

“I just want to buy some chocolates! I even have the money here, dattebayo!” Naruto also yelled back, scrambling to stand up and away from the man.

“Who knew if you stole the money from someone or found them in trash pile! I’m not selling you anything, but since you’ve already touched this and contaminated it, you might as well have it.” The man throws the pack of Pocky at Naruto, and he looked down as if he were going to cry.

_Why are there no adults helping him?_ Sakura stands in shock, anger isn’t even enough to describe what she is feeling at the moment. The man dared to push a child, throw stuff at him, and imply that he’s dirtier than trash?! How is this ever legal? Sakura could not believe her eyes. 

“Monster!”

“Disgusting creature.”

“…should die!”

She looks around to see what the adults are doing just to realize that the adults are in fact, pointing at Naruto with a look of disgust on their face.

Sakura watches as Naruto dusts himself, picks up the pack of Pocky with what seemed like happiness, and leaves the place ignoring all the pointings and harsh comments from the adults. In the end, she didn’t call out to Naruto, didn’t shout at those adults at saying those things to her classmate, _didn’t do anything._ In fact, Sakura remembers very clearly that she had hit Naruto before, pushing him as if he meant nothing to her. She remembers how she thought Naruto was annoying and didn’t deserve her attention either, shooing him away everyday after class no matter how much the boy offered to hang out. “How repulsive.” Sakura hears an adult standing beside her whispers, eyes full of scorn. She continues to the market, getting carrots and potatoes before leaving. That night’s curry only had two vegetables and doesn’t taste like anything other than disappointment for Sakura. 

The next day when she arrived at the Ninja Academy, Naruto is already there sitting in his usual seat. Guilt immediately crawled up Sakura’s throat, griping her like someone had their hands around her windpipe choking her. She continues to her seat and puts down her bag, waiting for Naruto to come down to her desk like he always does.

He still does.

“Sakura-chan! Good morning, I got you something dattebayo—” and Sakura dreads. Naruto reaches into his pocket for a pack of a Pocky with a slightly crushed packaging. “I know it’s a little crushed and doesn’t look all that good, but I promise I haven’t touched it and it’s clean and…” Naruto slightly trails off, his hand rubbing his neck.

Sakura wants to cry. Or maybe she wants to laugh.

Sakura takes the offered Pocky box and ignores Naruto’s shocked face. _How repulsive._ A small voice dangerously close to her own whispered in her mind. She opens the box of chocolate stick cookies and promptly sticks one in her mouth. The dark chocolate tasted disgustingly bitter on her tongue and Sakura knows it isn’t because of the chocolate. She looks at Naruto’s still hanging jaw and all she could hear is the _How repulsive_ branded itself in Sakura’s mind, whispering constantly in her own voice.

“Thank you, Naruto! How did you know I like Pocky? We should share this together.” Sakura didn’t like chocolate.

Naruto gives her a beaming smile, his cerulean eyes light up, and he sits down beside Sakura before taking a stick of chocolate cookie out as well. The two share a quiet morning eating Pocky and chatting about meaningless things, and Sakura realizes that she had never talked to Naruto more than “no.” When class is starting and more people trickled in, Sakura gives Naruto a smile and tells him they should do this another time again.

The fact that Naruto brought another box of Pocky the very next day only made the _How repulsive_ echoed louder.

.

When Iruka sensei announced who the members of Team Seven would be, Sakura thinks that it must’ve been karma. Because contrary to what everyone seemed to believe, Sakura wasn’t completely without self-awareness of her abilities, or, the lack thereof.

She is painfully aware of the fact that she is a coward, afraid to speak up about what she wants or stand up in the face of injustice; aware of how useless she is when she looks at Sasuke’s cold shoulder every morning at the bridge that Team Seven meets up; aware of how repulsive she is whenever she sees Naruto’s brilliant smile and the box of Pocky that occasionally tucked away safely in the boy’s orange jumper.

She opens her eyes every day knowing that she doesn’t deserve to approach the Uchiha because she had already failed him once by giving up on him, thinking that if he didn’t reach out, she wouldn’t either. She brushes her teeth, silently listening to the _How repulsive_ that still whispered in the back of her mind and the scene of Naruto being pushed on the ground replying in her mind. She eats her breakfast knowing that she is weak and did nothing to change that fact.

Sakura gets to Team Seven’s designated training ground and once (but never, _never_ again) she catches Kakashi sensei slouching on top of a tree branch, his signature orange book in his hand. They make eye contacts and Sakura smiles at her teacher.

The fact that Kakashi sensei gives her a silence once over and _smiled_ at her makes everything so much worse.

Sasuke would show up exactly 13 minutes after Sakura reaches the training ground, walking over with a cold shoulder and scowling on his face. Naruto would show up ten minutes before the meeting time, a goofy smile on his face and a box of Pocky silently sit in his pocket.

She would be reminded again on how useless she was, how she failed her teammates before they were even teammates.

Kakashi sensei would show up and Sakura would make eye contact with him, a smile on her face, the silver haired jounin would look at her, a smile on his face as well. 

Nothing ever changes.

**Author's Note:**

> Congrats of finishing this story! I know, I know, things don't quit make sense and the whole fic is just a jumbo of mess. Originally I wanted to write about how Sakura recognized that she was the weakest in the whole team and did nothing to improve that, but I also thought about how it would be much more interesting if she actually did recognized and chose to act the way she did in canon (ignoring the whole fangirl thing) because of reasons. I don't know if that point came across at some point of this story, if not, I'm honestly sorry but know that I facepalmed when I was reading this story too. 
> 
> There's also the part that some of you might wonder how could Sasuke not remember? but I mean, maybe this is just for me but I wouldn't have remembered a stranger that gave me candies when I was five. Obviously, Sasuke would though, and considering he's just first grade equivalent, he totally should. I know. I really do. but for the plot purpose I made him forget. 
> 
> To be honestly, I wrote this fic to try and practice how to write dialogues. I'm familiar with writings that involve more conceptual things, and I feel like a fanfic could become more interesting with dialogues but I couldn't seem to find how to make them less robotic and even the way I style them is weird. For now, I'm doing a mixture of "words" followed by some sort of action and then "words" but I feel as if I couldn't really capture what I'm trying to convey. Would appreciate if someone can give me some pointers! 
> 
> On a side note, I really didn't like the way Sakura was portrayed in canon because I mean, honestly, cmon dude. There's like 5000 ways you could develop her character and the author kind of just chose... not to. Of course I can rant in the end notes about what went wrong and why it didn't make sense to me, but I'm sure the fandom has it covered. Anyways, my point is that if there's a character that I want to dive into, it's probably Sakura with her background.


End file.
